Countdown

So it has been a loooooong time since I've written here last. But I felt like doing again today and .... well, just why not. I feel like I have lost my motivation and inspiration, and I need to find it again:)

Today will only be a short note.  I have to get back to writing a University paper.

Anyways, I was updating my inspiration-/to-do-board in the bedroom, and I decided to use one of the techniques for being more productive, which I read about 2-3 years ago. What you do is  you write down numbers from 1 to 365 (or 366 for a leap year) on a sheet of paper, where each number represents one day of the year. And than every morning you cross out numbers one by one. This way you can actually see how quickly days are ending and that even though it is only the beginning of the year and it feels like you still have a lot of time, you actually don't. And there is also one funny thing I have noticed: when I  just started to write the numbers down, I felt relaxed, I still have a lot of paper left, it will all fit in. But as I was coming to the number 200 I started to worry that it won't, so I began to squeeze them in. And I think that it also represents how I'm used to spending the years - in the beginning I think "It's only January, I still have a lot of time left to do the things I want to", but then suddenly you wake up and realize that half of the year is already gone and you haven't yet started to act on your dreams and goals. And than you either rush to have them done, or you forget about them at all. I do not want this year to be like that, so I hope this little technique will help me to start acting and doing staff.

And here is a piece of my inspiration board:

Change tactics

Me vs. Sugar
Battle # 1 (this month)
Score 0:1
Ok, it was quite a quick victory of sugar.
I lasted two days.
Then it became hot and I wanted an ice-cream
And I am going to my Mom's in a couple of weeks anyways
(and I hardly doubt that I will resist the temptetaion)
So it is better that I stop now and start over again after I come back.
So the sugar found the way to talk me out of stopping eating it.

No it is time for a new challange.
Not a challange.
A new habbit.
Which will then be combined with non-sugar life.
And it is to walk.
In the very morning.
The first hing I do is go out for a walk.
 I call it 'walk out'.
Tomorrow morning.
My alarm is already set.
Hope I'll have enough will power to get up.
I believe in myself.
I can do it.
I'll let you you know how it went.

Revive

Love, love, love spring! I love the sun and love to feel that everything comes back to life.
So do I. Come back to life.
Awaken.
Continue to live.
And I have a new decision.

I do not want to be a sugar addict anymore.
I come to realize that it influences me a lot.
Me, my mood.
Me, my mood, people around me.
Me, my mood, people around me, close people.
I do not want to be indifferent to people who are close to me.
I do not want my mood influence our relationship.
I remember when I didn't eat sugar for a month.
I felt alive.
I felt happy all the time.
Now I think sugar will make me happy.
But that's not true.

So it is time.
Time to say no to sugar.
It is not gonna be easy.
I was a good girl all day today, for example.
Until I came home...
Than I had Coca-Cola and cookies.
That didn't make me happy.
Made me miserable instead.
I have thought of an experimen, that I hope will help me stay sugar-free -
Every time I have something sugarry I will put aside 500 rubles.
I will give it my sister to keep it.
I hope it will wok.

Anywho, I am full of hope and energy.
It's time to revive!

Stop. Take a breath.

It's only the second month of the year, but it feels like three or four have gone by already. From the 1st of January I started at a new position at work, but I still combine it with the work at the previous department. So in January especially there were days when I didn't even have time to think, I just had to do things. Had to go there, run here, talk to this person, send an e-mail to that one. It was as one long day. And also all my weekends were planned - yesterday was actually the first weekend since New Year that I got to spend at home.
And please do not think that I am complaining, I actually did like it. I was enjoying having a lot of things to do. I felt that my days mattered. The only thing is that I missed some personal time, time to sit and reflect on the day. To think of what I learnt that day. And I actually started meditating again. Just for a little bit befoe going to sleep. I had so many thoughts like "tomorrow I should do this and that", or "I shouldn't forget to mention this in the project" - I couldn't stop thinking of work even when going to bed. And that was when I desperately felt the need to stop. Just for 5 minutes. To clear the mind. To breathe deeply and calmly. We all need that. We are not some electronic devices where hit 'play' and it just start running. But even the devices need time to recharge. So do we.
And the advice of the day is: even in your busiest day, take 5 minutes or 5 seconds to stop. Take a deep breath, smile, relax and keep on going.

Say YES

You know a lot of articles out there are written on how to say "no" to other people, but my problem is being able to say "yes". Just yesterday as I was walking to a movie theater early in the morning, I ran into a handsome young man. We looked at each other for a short second and kept walking our own ways. But then he turned and said "Can I walk you to wherever you are going?" And I said no, which I do really regret. It has been my dream and desire to find the soulmate, but it is a real problem for me to actually say yes to the new people that I meet, to say yes to all these opportunities of meeting the guy. I mean it is not the first time that I have said no to a proposal like this. Which means that I could have missed out on the soulmate. And that scares me, to be honest. I have the opportunity, but I say no to it. So one of my goals for this year is to learn to say yes. In this sense I absolutely love the movie "Yes Man" ehich shows that as soon as you become open for something new, a lot of opportunities miraculously appear at your door step. But when you think about it, it is not a huge miracle - all the oppotunities have been there before, it is you who were absent, absent by constantly saying no.
So the advice of today is: say YES. Be open to new acquaintances, new possibilities, new opportunities. YES is the one word that can make miracles happen.  

Dream your goal

I have read an interesting article recently which is called "Instead of making resolutions, dream". When I finished reading it, I wasn't at all inspired. It all seemed pretty obvious to me and I kept thinking "Isn't a resolution already a dream?". For example I remember an episode from 'Friends' series - I don't remember which season it was, but the episode was about resolutions. So Monica's resolution was to take more photos. - so her dream was probably to become good at photogaphy. The same is when a person's resolution is to eat less, then his/her dream is most likely to become fit or lose weight.
So I kept thinking about this article for a couple of days and now I'm starting to see the point of it, I'm stating to get it in my own way. I think that a dream here is more like a goal, what do you want to achieve. And a resolution is a way to achieve the goal. So I would agree that resolutions should be clearly thought out and that it might be a good idea to take a month or so to think about what your wishes and desires, so that a resolution doesn't become a andom thought that came to your mind on the first day of a new year. It should be something more, something you you know you should do because it will make you dream come true. For instance, in the above example with Monica we know that it was her random desire (she has never talked about it or we have never seen her taking photos), so this is probably the reason why she didn't succeed.
So the advice of the day is: dream your goal and then pick out one main thing that will bring you closest to your dream.

Find people who inspire you

I couldn't do it. I couldn't live up to my promise. I was pretty good with all the food, did not overeat or anything - but I ate sweets. A lot. Especially the last 2 days when I knew that I will have to stop soon. Today is the third day that I am back to my eating routine, but it is the first day that I didn't have any sugar. It was hard. I got sugar addicted again. I thought about a chocolate or a candy about 30 times today. Luckily some posts of Mastin Kipp on The Daily Love blog were about his commitment to being sugar free. And I kept thinking that if he can do it, I can do it too. And I also thought that if tomorrow I will have the same crazy irresistable craving - I will let myself have a piece of dark chocolate. I hope though that I will not need it. And I am thankful to Mastin for sharing his thoughts and his goals, becasue they help me keep going.
So my advice of the day is: if you are having trouble sticking to new habits, find someone who would inspire you or who is doing the same thing. It is much easier to do something when you know that you are not alone.

Become brand new

I am actually on a New Year's vacation with my family, but I think the first day of the new year is the perfect time to write this post. I want to share a video with you. This is a song by Alicia Keys. When I heard it, it spoke right to me, especially these words:

It took a long long time to get here
It took a brave, brave girl to try
It took one too many excuses, one too many lies
Don't be surprised, don't be surprised
If I talk a little louder
If I speak up when you're wrong
If I walk a little taller
I've been on to you too long
If you noticed that I'm different
Don't take it personally
Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me
And it ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of free

So my advice of the day is: if there is something you'd like to rediscover in yourself, something you'd love to become - start now. It is the perfect opportunity. I've read somewhere that January, 1 is the 1st page of a new book which contains 365 pages, so you can create and become whatever character you wish to be.

May you

What has 2012 been like?

At first I didn’t want to write a post like this to sum up the year, as if drawing the finishing line. But when I came to work in the morning I remembered my very first impressions of this company. I remember I was so excited after the first interview because I knew that I had found the place where I want to work. It was and it is exactly what I had in mind when I moved to Moscow. 

The office is almost empty today, it is the last working day before the long New Year’s holidays (we officially have 10 days off here in Russia). I don’t feel like doing anything work related and I am just sitting here with this feeling of inner happiness and satisfaction.

So what are the most important things I have learned and achieved in 2012:

- quit job and took the whole month off to connect with myself and decide which direction I want to go.

- moved to Moscow and learned that I can do things on my own. I had already changed different places of living, I moved to Los Angeles for a year and St. Petersburg, but in both cases there were people waiting for me and welcoming me to their homes. But here in Moscow I stayed on a friend’s couch for the first 3 weeks, but I had to find my home on my own.

- found my dream job. By myself. Without any connections or people who know people blah-blah-blah… - which is still quite a common belief in Russia that in order to get a good job you need to know the right people.

- travelled quite a lot, both within and outside of Russia.

- I am learning new food and health habits, adding more fruits and veggies to my daily menu, going for walks and swimming.

- I am learning to be myself, which for me means that I learn to speak up, to say my opinion out loud.

- And generally I became happier. I feel happier. Do you remember in the beginning of summer I wrote that I have to cry every 1-3 months, just to let the negative emotions out? Well, I haven’t had this urge to cry since August I think. I don’t have any hidden negative emotions that need to come out through tears. I feel content. I feel happy within.