Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Happy tears

To be honest, I used to be a big cryer. I used to cry at every sad movies I watched, that's why I stopped watching them. Now I only watch comedies, romantic comedies and cartoons. It is easier for me that way. But every once in a while I need a cry. Usually I buy a cake, get a sad movie, which I know will have a happy ending, - and cry my eyes out. And most of the times while crying I start pitying myself ("Oh, how I wish I had that and that", or "Why am I not so good at this and that" and other BS). But  today was different. Today I was feeling good the whole day, but at the end of the working day I came across one of my biggest fears - andI just got very upset that I still cannot overcome it, even though I know my life would be so much better without it. As I was driving home, I began to feel tears coming up to my eyes, I knew I needed to cry, and I was going to do that as soon as I got home. I didn't feel sorry for myself. I came home, I looked at the mirror and began talking to myself about this fear. I did start to cry, I cried out all the tears that were in there - and after that I just continued with my new daily routine: work out, shower, drawing, writing a post, etc. And please notice - there was no cake:) 
So what did I learn from today: it is OK to cry, for some people (like myself) it is necessary to cry to let the negative feelings out of your system. And it is up to me how I want to feel myself in this moments - I can either feel sorry for myself, or feel happy that I can express emotions, accept thise emotions, experience them and let them go. From now on I decide to choose the second.

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